Perfectionism
Perfectionism has many different faces. For you, it may look like a compulsion to overachieve, to be meticulous, to be in control of all the things; or it may mean you procrastinate, avoid doing, or do nothing productive at all the way you see it. If you don't do the thing, you can't do it wrong right?
Perfectionism goes beyond striving for excellence; it can become a deeply rooted coping mechanism fueled by a fear of losing control, suffering criticism or being rejected. As perfectionists we can be really judgy with ourselves, relentlessly so in fact. We may even feel like flawless performance and achieving proves our worth. This can be just about one thing, some things, or it can begin to pop up in every area of our life. This relentless push can create anxiety, contribute to burnout, and distort your self-image.
Oftentimes when our perfectionist part pops up there is also an inner critic that emerges. This is when we experience so-called negative, intrusive thoughts. The inner critic is a part of the psyche that beats up on us from the inside. This critic can feel overwhelming, yet it is often motivated by a protective intention -- an attempt to shield us from "perceived" failure or judgement. The things we tell ourselves in this critic's voice can be absolutely mean. It may even sound like something we heard or learned to believe about ourselves in childhood.
We may not be bothered by our perfectionism all the time. It may intensify when life gets overwhelming or chaotic; and it might be a subtle part of our personality when life is going well. But when the loss of control or self-criticism feels like it's too much it may help to have the tools ready so you can show up and be kinder inside.
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Perfectionism is not a bad problem we need to eradicate. It is a coping strategy with a lot of skill involved. It can be tricky to live with though if it's large and in charge.
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We Can Help
We support our clients to live a more harmonious life based in self-acceptance. We use evidence-based therapies like Internal Family Systems (IFS), Attachment Focused EMDR (AF-EMDR), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT) and others so you can begin to sit more comfortably in your own skin (and hopefully take a breath).
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Embracing Imperfection with IFS Therapy
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a non-pathologizing and effective space for you to connect with your perfectionist parts and understand the concerns you hold inside. By exploring the motivations and needs of the inner critic with curiosity and compassion you can soften its influence and begin to accept your natural imperfections.
One of the first steps is to recognize that perfectionist and critic parts are protective. (You may be reading this and thinking how the heck is this protective. My system is relentlessly cruel.) Approaching these parts with curiosity and compassions allows you to transform the dialogue you have inside to be more nurturing and affirming. Over time, this shift leads to greater self-acceptance and an enhanced sense of self-worth.This shift allows you to make space inside and create a healthier relationship with yourself (and your system of parts), replacing self-criticism with compassion and connectedness.
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Reframing Perfectionist Beliefs with AF-EMDR
In the reprocessing phase of Attachment-Focused Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (AF-EMDR) you can identify and replace negative self-beliefs with more adaptive, positive beliefs. You can embrace self-acceptance and let go of unrealistic expectations. This is what helps you to break the cycle of perfectionism.
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